Charity Read online

  “Just thinking,” I brush it off.

  She gives me a look. "I know I'm not one to pass judgment."

  "Damn right, you aren't. Your husband still isn't living with you."

  "But," she continues after I've said what I have to say. "You're still pregnant, and you have to make sure you stay calm for the baby."

  Still pregnant.

  That the elephant in every room we’re in. Mandy lost her baby, but I’m still pregnant.

  I’ve wondered a million times why I’m allowed to be happy, and here she is half the person she once was, watching me be excited. Guilt comes at me from every single direction.

  Justice.

  Mandy.

  Christine.

  It’s never-fucking-ending.

  “I am calm,” I argue.

  There's a silence between the two of us as our gazes meet. This is the other thing I hate. This tension between us. It's never been this way with her. We've always been friends, family, and co-workers. It hasn't always come up roses, but it's never been this strained.

  "What did you need?" Even I can hear the pretentious tone I'm using, but fuck, I'm tired.

  She bristles. I can see it. Her body tightens, and her face becomes a mask of hurt. "I'm getting out of here early today if it's okay with you. I'll go file those extensions at the courthouse, but I need to leave after that."

  “Is everything okay?”

  I don’t know what makes me think she’s going to tell me the truth. All of us have been doing this weird dance around each other and our feelings for months now. Something has to break, and I’m unsure of what it’s going to be.

  “Walker has a doctor’s appointment. I think he has an ear infection.”

  “Oh no, I hope he gets better!”

  “Thanks,” she pushes her hair back. “He was up most of the night last night, crying and tugging on his earlobe.”

  “Are you letting Dalton know?”

  She’s going to be pissed I asked, but there are times when I feel like he’s deliberately kept out of the loop, and I want to make sure he’s all the way in.

  "Yeah, I sent him a text. He said he'd meet me at the doctor's office. You know it'll take both of us to hold him down if they have to give him a shot."

  “I hope you two can talk afterward,” I slightly press.

  They haven’t talked, everyone knows it. She’s shut him completely out of her life, and every time he’s tried to get back in, she’s cut him off at the pass. All of us are suffering because these are two integral parts of our family, and we can’t seem to help them work it out.

  She sighs. “I just don’t know if I’m up for it.”

  “He can help you,” I press again. “You know he would do anything to help you.”

  “I know,” she admits. “But I just don’t think he can give me the help I need.”

  I want to argue that he’s probably the only person who can give her the help she needs, but it’s already awkward enough around here. I don’t want to make it even more so.

  “Okay, just let me know if you need anything else. You know Drew and I are always here.”

  “I know,” she turns to walk out of the office.

  I watch her, taking note of the slump of her shoulders. She’s lost weight over the last few months. Her clothes are literally hanging off her, her hair, which I’ve always envied lays limp down her back. We all want the Mandy we knew and loved to come back to us, but I don’t think any of us know how to get her there.

  Picking up my cell, I text Justice, since I’m now on her list. Still pissed about that.

  C: How is your day going?

  J: Good, Mom, fixing to go to lunch.

  C: Have fun! Love you!

  I’m not sure how much fun she can have with a school lunch, but I’m good at faking enthusiasm. I’m sure she thinks I’m off my rocker, but I’m okay with it.

  Deciding I've spent enough time messing around; I dive headfirst into the pile of work I have, hoping to get home at a decent hour tonight.

  “Look at you,” I hear when I walk through the front door, kicking my shoes off. “All hot as hell in this little skirt, high heels on with your bare legs out for the world to see.”

  I smirk as Drew pushes me up against the door. “Shoes are off now, babe. Can’t pay me to put them back on.”

  “A man can dream,” he leans in for a kiss.

  It's chaste since we try to keep PDA away from the girls, they talk about how gross it is, and according to Drew - we don't want to gross them out too much.

  “What are you doing?” I take off my jewelry, putting it in the box I keep on the catch-all next to do the door. Sometimes, especially this late in the pregnancy, I can’t be bothered to walk upstairs and then back down for small things like jewelry. It’s like getting a whale up and down the stairs. My balance is all off, and for me to move around, it’s become almost like a full-time job.

  “Making dinner,” he grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together.

  “Ohhh, a man in the kitchen.”

  “Yeah, I know, it’s hot. Justice is making us a cake too.”

  The sweet smell hits me as I go into our kitchen. “What kind? It smells amazing.”

  “Chocolate with strawberry icing,” she grins.

  I go over, hugging her. “My favorite!”

  “I know, I thought maybe you could use it after a hard day at work.”

  This girl is after my own heart. I look around, noticing Harley’s not here. “Where’s my other girl?”

  “With grandpa,” Justice gives me the spoon to lick. “They’re doing something with his bike. He’s bringing her home later.”

  “She’s in heaven then, I bet,” I look at Drew.

  “He’s driving her home on the bike, so yeah, she’d rather be there than here.”

  “Understandable,” I push my hair out of my face. “I’m gonna go change. I’ll be back in a few.”

  “Dinner will be ready when you get back, babe.”

  Leaving the kitchen, I chance a look back at the two of them. Drew's moved over behind Justice. "Hey, get me in on that spoon licking," he opens his mouth.

  She laughs, putting the spoon in.

  The sound of their voices, talking and teasing one another is the best sound I’ve heard all day.

  Chapter Four

  The grocery store is a mad-house on this Friday evening. I should have ordered and done a pick-up, but the day got away from me, and there are things we absolutely need at home.

  “Mom, is this going to take forever? Dad said he’s going to take me over to the clubhouse tonight,” Harley whines.

  “I have a list, Harley,” I do my best to keep my tone of voice level. It’s not her fault I’m almost eight months pregnant and not in the best of moods. “If we can get in and get it done, it won’t take long.”

  She rolls her eyes. I can see it in the rear-view mirror. I do my best not to rise to the bait she’s throwing out at me. Since everything happened with Justice, she’s been doing her best to push boundaries. It’s been harder for us to get along, the more I try to keep her closer to me, the more she pushes away. It’s a tough balancing act, and I’m not sure what will be the thing that pushes us over the edge.

  “Stay together!”

  They're running in front of me as we go into the store. I can't walk as fast as I used to, and being pregnant in your late-thirties, is one hundred percent not as easy as it was the first time I had kids. Even though they were twins, I was younger and obviously in better fucking shape than I am now. This kid, he's sitting on my sciatic nerve, and it causes me to slightly limp, which makes me walk slower and plain just wears me out.

  The girls are waiting for me inside the store with a cart already picked out.

  “Mom?” Harley gets my attention again. “Can we get Starbucks?”

  This grocery store just put a Starbucks in. The first grocery store in Bowling Green to get one.

  “If we can get this done, we can get Starbucks.
”

  “But I want it now,” she folds her arms over her chest.

  “First of all,” I point at her. “Drop the attitude. Second of all, we don’t always get what we want right when we want it.”

  "Justice does," she mumbles as she stomps in front of me.

  “Hey,” I reach out, grabbing her arm. “What do you mean by that?”

  “How long are you going to punish me for Justice being taken?” Tears run down her cheeks.

  “I’m not doing that,” I bend down as much as I can. “What makes you think I’m doing that? I don’t blame you.”

  And I don’t. If I blame anyone, it’s myself. Granted, I’ve told Harley no more often than I used to. Not because I’m favoring Justice, but because I’m scared for them both. I’m scared for all of us. The perfect life I always thought we had with our family? It got blown up in my face by someone I called family. I know I have to get over it, but I’m having a hard time.

  “You tell me no all the time, but you tell her yes.”

  It’s because Justice asks to do things that aren’t dangerous, while my daredevil wants to run before she can walk. The same way she did as a baby.

  “It’s not because of that, Harley,” I do my best to try and explain it to her.

  But how do I explain it to her, when I don’t even know some of it myself. Being a mom is harder than I thought it would be in these tough moments.

  “It’s because you want to do things that aren’t okay.”

  “Like I’m a bad person?” The eyes of her father stare back at me.

  “No! Because you want to do dangerous things.”

  “Dad and the guys do them!”

  “I know,” I count to ten in my head. I don’t want to lose my cool with her, but I can feel it coming. “But they’re older, and they know what they’re doing.”

  “How am I going to figure out what I’m doing if you won’t let me try?”

  “Harley,” my tone is no-nonsense. “Until you’re eighteen-years-old you have to ask permission. If I tell you no, then I mean no.”

  “Fine,” she tenses her jaw. “I’ll just ask Dad.”

  This kid.

  “Your Dad and I stand together on this. What I answer goes.”

  She turns from me, her posture and everything say she’s mad at me, and I’ll let her stir in it for a while. Maybe by the time we’re done here, she’ll be over it.

  “Mom,” Justice’s voice is soft.

  She’s tiptoeing around me and her sister, the way she tends to do when me and Harley butt heads. “Yeah?”

  “I have to go to the bathroom,” she points to the front of the store. “I’ll be right back.”

  Fear grips me. I’m letting her out of my sight in a crowded store. What if someone takes her? What if I won’t know about it? “You have your phone?”

  She pulls it out of her back pocket, holding it up.

  “Okay, text me when you get there and when you leave.”

  “She’s not a baby,” Harley gives me a look.

  “I’m aware,” I fire back at her. I shouldn’t respond. I know I shouldn’t respond, but I’m tired, and my emotions are all over the place.

  “Are you?”

  I choose to ignore her.

  “C’mon, let’s finish this up and then we can go home.”

  She walks beside me; then she starts lagging back as I put more stuff into my cart. "Please walk in front of me."

  When I don’t hear her answer me, with a smart-ass response or otherwise, I turn to where she’d been looking at some candy. My throat drops into my stomach. Harley is gone. She’s not there.

  “Harley?” I yell, looking around frantically.

  She was right there, how could she have gone somewhere and I didn’t see her? Where is she?

  "Harley?" I yell again, looking this way and that, moving my cart up the aisle and then back down it, looking at the crowds of people filling up the store this Friday.

  "Has anybody seen a girl? About this tall?" I show where she is in comparison to my height.

  “What was she wearing?”

  Someone asks. Oh my God, I can't remember. I can't fucking remember what she was wearing. I was so irritated with her; I didn't want to look at her the last thirty minutes. "She has blonde hair," I spit out. "She was wearing jeans and a shirt."

  “What color?” Someone else asks.

  I'm drawing a blank. For the life of me, I can't remember what color shirt she was wearing. Harley is going to die, and it's going to be my fault. I'm shaking, trying to remember to breathe, closing my eyes, doing my best to think of what she was wearing.

  But I can’t remember.

  I can’t fucking remember.

  This is where I lose it. This is where I have my breakdown. I’m sobbing, screaming for my daughter, and doing the best I can to try and keep it together, but I’m failing.

  Someone picks me up from where I sit, and that’s when I see, Rooster.

  “What’s happening?” His palms cup my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

  “Harley’s gone.”

  “Then we find her, Charity. Then we find her.”

  Chapter Five

  Never in my life have I been more thankful for Rooster. Being an ex-law enforcement officer. He seems to know exactly what to do. While I'm trying my best not to lose my shit, he's already on the phone. I'm not sure who he's talking to, and right now, I don't care.

  My gaze goes this way and that, trying to figure out not only where the hell they could have taken her, but also how? Harley is my girl who will argue the sky is green; she makes a ton of noise even when she's not being threatened. The fact she didn't make any? Worries the fuck out of me. My head is pounding as I try to remember what the hell she had on. Why can't I remember what she was wearing?

  “Mom?” It’s Justice. She’s come back from the bathroom.

  Blankly I stare at the phone I’m gripping in my hand. I forgot to check for her texts. I’m winning at parenting today, obviously.

  “Have you seen your sister?” I grab her by the forearms. “Coming back, did you see Harley?”

  Her eyes go wide. “You’re hurting me,” she flinches away.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry!” Tears are coming again.

  Rooster kneels in front of her. "This is super important, Jus. Have you seen Harley?"

  “No!” She shakes her head. “What’s happening?”

  "We can't find her," I somehow manage to push the words out of my thick throat.

  “Like what happened to her, happened to me?”

  Rooster again. "We don't know that we're looking for her. What was she wearing?" He asks Justice.

  My other daughter gives a full description of what her sister wore. How she can remember it and I can’t, I don’t know. Rooster barks the clothing to someone, and then I hear it come over the intercom.

  "Attention customers, be on the lookout for a female child, approximately ten years old, wearing blue jeans with rips in the knees, a black Harley-Davidson shirt, blonde hair, and blue eyes. She's also wearing a leather bracelet that says twin on it. Until this child is found, the store will be on lockdown until the police have cleared it.”

  Hearing those words takes me back. Back to the place I was when Justice was taken. I feel the same stomach-dropping fear, the realization that this has happened on my watch again.

  “Mom!”

  I hear the scared voice of Harley. There are tears in her voice, and immediately I'm ready to kill anyone who hurt her. I wasn't able to do that with Justice, but for Harley, I can. "Who hurt you?" I run to her, throwing my arms around her.

  “No one,” she cries. “No one hurt me.”

  That’s when I see it, the Starbucks drink in her hand.

  “You left me to go get Starbucks?” I can’t believe this.

  “I’m sorry!”

  There are huge tears running down her face, so hard that she's starting to breathe heavily. I don't know what to say. How do I even react to
this? On the one hand, I'm so happy she's not been taken, she's not hurt. On the other, I'm extremely angry. So angry, I can literally feel my blood boil.

  “How could you do this to me? To Justice? To everyone looking for you?”

  I’m shaking, and my head is starting to kill me.

  That’s when I see Drew. He’s running like I haven’t seen him run since high school.

  “She okay?”

  He drops to his knees, taking her in his arms. “Who took you?”

  “Nobody,” I bite out in an almost hysterical voice. “She decided to go get Starbucks because she wanted it, and I wouldn’t let her get it.”

  Suddenly I start laughing. Laughing like I haven’t laughed in forever. Everyone is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind, and it’s entirely possible I have. “She got Starbucks,” I giggle. “I thought she was in the back of a van with her hands tied behind her back, a gag in her throat, and she got Starbucks.”

  Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I'm unsure if they're tears from laughter or fear.

  “Charity babe, are you okay?” Drew asks.

  He looks like he's never seen me before, and maybe he's never seen this side of me. I've never seen this side of me. The room is starting to spin, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. It's louder than I ever expected it to be. Suddenly the room starts to go dark, and everyone's voices seem like they're coming from inside a hole.

  I can feel myself start to sway, and I reach out to steady myself, and then the world goes black. In an instant, the world goes completely black.

  Chapter Six

  Drew

  “C’mon,” I round up the girls. “We’re going across the street to the hospital. That’s where they’re taking your mom.”

  As far as I know, Charity's never had to ride in an ambulance, and it's killing me to know she's riding in this one on her own. We've done so much together in our lives, it feels wrong when they close the door, and I'm not in there with her.

  “Do you want me to take them?” Rooster puts his hand on my shoulder. “It’s no problem.”